Bismillah.
The Sun is not that shinny in this morning. Today
are cloudy and windy. It gives quite psychological effect in me eventually. I
go to the mosque because I miss the situation in there. I try to find a comfort
place to sit and I do contemplation for a while after pray and recite His
Lovely Letter which always heals, reminds and warns. A couple minutes afterward
my friend calls me, then we hug & shake hand each other. So long time I did
not meet her. We do a light (and deep) chit chat.
F: sis, I could not sleep lately. It has been few weeks
even around one month. I have tried to comfort the situation such as I turn off
the light, I read the book or qur’an before sleeping or I hear murottal, I use
a cozy dress. But still, my efforts do not work. What do you think the causes
from psychological perspective?
M: hmm, I am not sure sis. What I know is if your
sleep is disturbing from yourself hence the cause could be from inside. It
could relate to stress. Sometimes, we have problem but we do not want to think
about it or do not want to face it. Then we just put it aside without any
solution. It can be hanging in our mind and our feeling, though we realize it
or not. So, do you have any matter to
your academic, friends or family maybe?
F: No, I don’t. Everything is running well.
M: sure?
F: yeah,, err.. actually I have one friend whom I
avoid to meet. I do not really like her way when sharing in long time but she
does not want to accept my opinion. But I think it is not a big matter. Yeah, I
know it is not a good attitude to avoid her but I don’t mean to break the
silaturrahim. Our relationship is still good.
M: hmm, well. Then? Are sure, you are ok with her?
I mean no more burden?
F: Mmm. Yes in syaa Allah. Ooh, maybe due to thi…
*she is bowing
I think I lost many chances this ramadhan.. *her
voice is so heavy
I.. I.. I got period during last 10 day of
Ramadhan. I did not achieve my target.. I slept more than doing deeds. I did
not feel that happy on Idul Fitri, like ‘em who are so cheerful. Maybe because
of their ibadah.. Allah.. Astaghfirullah.. *she starts crying
Hixz hixz.. I was lost. I was lost the chance, how
if next year I could not meet Ramadhan? *she is crying like cat and dog
M: ---speechless----
Robbi.. she is a hafizoh, she is reach in Islamic knowledge..
she is so sad because she could not 'celebrate' the ramadhan well. How about
me? Robbi.. I am sure, here imaan is climbing quickly now. Yeah, at this stage
she realize she is a servant who needs You, and she’ll find Your Love &
Mercy.
*open back my memory drawer
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